Is Hitchens right?
I would like all my visitors to answer this question:
In his video, Hitchens says that "For most men, if they can't make women laugh, they're out of the evolutionary contest. They'll never going to get laid... If you can't make them laugh, you'll never have a chance."
Is he right?
Leave an anwer in the comments, and bee-have. I'll be back later in the day.
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Sense of humor: Essential
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Labels: humor, men and women, relationships
posted by Fausta @ 9:26 AM
28 Comments:
Yup, gotta show me you don't take yourself to seriously.
I don't know about having to make a woman laugh, but there is nothing better than sharing a sense of humor. When you both crack up at something no one else in the room gets, it's definitely a good sign.
expat
Hitchens is right, for many reasons.
On one level, humor allows the joke teller to be center stage. For a man, that is kind of an 'equalizer' of sorts, as it allows men to 'shine' without taking anything away from a woman.
That's one reason why men like their women to laugh at their jokes.
As a rule, a relationships is a lot like dancing- the woman the canvas, the male is the frame.
Smart women understand that a good frame can really make the painting shine. If all that takes is a bit of laughter, well, that's' not so hard to do.
A guy will bend over backwards to make a woman happy if he believes he's appreciated- even for his humor.
I'd say he's right, overall. A shared laugh is a mild aphrodisiac.
I think Hitchens is right, humor opens the door to a deeper connection. When people share the same sense of what makes life funny, you can feel the puzzle pieces starting to come together. When it comes to courting women, every man has to know that more often than not, it’s the words you use rather than the bulging quadriceps you have that will gain her favor. A wordsmith who can inspire pleasure is like a dope dealer dealing in endorphins - so it follows that humor is the gateway drug that tempts us into the harder stuff!
It’s a rare man who seduces a woman without uttering a word. There’s another difference between the sexes!
I also agree with Hitchins, though a male having a sense or humor or not isn't always a deal breaker for me.
It helps, but it hasn't always been a defining factor, though that was this. My opinion has changed as I've matured. Now, his having a sense of humor is mandatory.
I'm also inclined to agree--to a degree--with Hitchins about the between funny women..if such beasts exist.
I was inspired to post about it today Fausta and thought I'd link to it here.
Hope you don't mind, Hermanita!
Thanks,
LK
http://lauriekendrick.wordpress.com/2008/03/13/funny-women/
I agree with him. I'm more inclined to be impressed with and aroused by a man's mind and wit than his biceps and income.
This may not be true for all, but I can definitely say the ability to make me smile, laugh and carry on an intellectually stimulating conversation is tops for me.
Absolutely!
Of course, for my husband it was a deal breaker too.
Perhaps those who are comically inclined just look for each other? :-)
Doesn't this really depend on what the woman finds amusing about the man? She might not neccessarily be laughing at the thrust of the the joke but rather at the thruster.
Depends on if she's laughing before or after he takes his pants off.
He's right. The brain is the strongest erogenous zone, and laughter is so absolutely necessary but only if it's triggered by wit.
Guys who think farts, belches, tripping people, tickling,and beer, etc. are hilarious are not witty, humor-filled men. They are untouchables.
I'm not sure what they are, actually. I try to stay as far away from that sort as I can.
But a man who makes me genuinely laugh? Oh baby.
Well, if all she does is laugh at you, you still got a problem.
Whaaat?? No, I'm not saying this is based on personal experience! Hey, back off, maybe she thought I was funny! Yeah, all the time!! :-P
;^}
I'd say that a man has to at least put a big smile on your face. Humor is essential.
I know maybe a dozen truly funny people, and I'd say about 40% of them are women. What Hitchens is getting at is that humor is an aggressive act, and therefore it's a sandbox that men have preferred to play in.
But it's silly to argue as he does that most funny women are "masculine" in some way. After all, most female astronauts are "masculine" by some measure. So are most female hunters. And female race car drivers. Even female doctors. We're not made of sugar water.
Is there a "feminine" sense of humor that women have abandoned for the more "masculine" variety practiced by Sarah Silverman, Amy Sedaris, et al.? Well, maybe: Lucille Ball and Carol Burnett come to mind--there's a gentler form of humor that women engaged in in the 20th Century.
One can go back a few hundred years to Jane Austen, however, and see that chicks have been funny for a long time.
But whether one does it gently, a la Austen, sardonically, a la Virginia Woof, or brutally, a la Sarah Silverman, to make a joke is to poke someone in the ribs. It may not come from genuine "animus," in the sense of it emerging from a real grudge--but it certainly doesn't come from anima.
The answer is, so what? Hitchens is trying to be provocative. But I'd like to see him try to get me to laugh . . . It isn't that easy.
Intelligence, one can get anywhere. Humor is a special thing, and I doubt Hitchens has what it takes.
If I were unable to make women laugh, I'd never even have gotten a polite word from one. If you remember my self-description, you'll understand why that was the case.
Big, good-looking guys can sometimes get away with flexing their biceps. The rest of us have humor, or nothing at all.
After I posted this I went to the gym, and took an informal survey.
Jennie-my-personal-trainer (who's probably 20, if that old) agreed with Hitchens. Being a very pretty girl, she said that women don't have to work to get noticed.
Jerry, another personal trainer, who must be in his late 20s-early 30s and is very handsome, explained, "Women don't need to work to get a man to have sex with them. All they have to do is ask. But with men, it doesn't matter how good-looking or smart he is, women want to be with a guy who's at ease and can get them to relax, too." Then he illustrated, "Imagine a guy who comes over to you and says "Hi" (a very dull "hi"), and another guy who has a witty line who makes you smile. Who wins?"
Jerry's right, of course.
The other personal trainer in the area (another guy whose name I don't remember) upon hearing Jerry, said, "Elliot Spitzer!"
He made me laugh!
(Francis - when I first read your post I thought you were selling yourself short.)
Hitchens is right. A shared laugh means sharing thoughts, ideas and "letting go" of inhibitions.
Hitchens is sort of right, and with a minor edit I'd agree.
"For most men,if they cannot find the woman who will laugh with them, they're out of the evolutionary contest."
I'll provide my own life as a case study:
-- hopeless loner until age 30
-- scared to death to even talk to a pretty girl, much less ask one out
Fortunately, I found the right woman, and we now have four lovely, smart kids.
Yep, I think he's right. One of the first things I look for in a man is his ability to laugh at himself. If I have to do it, so does he.
I disagree with Hitchens. I've know at least three men who held an almost uncanny attraction for woman, and none of them was particularly funny. And when I say uncanny, I mean the sort of guys who go for interviews and are propositioned by the interviewer, go for breakfast and get passed notes by the waitress, sit in their office and woman come to visit and practically undress on the spot.
The attraction was clearly sexual, but still varied. One guy was so stunningly handsome that it had a physical impact, women would literally start shaking when he passed by. Guys nick named him beautiful Bob. The second was virile, broad shouldered, ex SOF, good talker, very intelligent, and with a sort of smoldering presence. And yes, a sense of humor, but it wasn't his most noticeable trait. The third I didn't know so well, but Gideon in All That Jazz reminded me of him. Cute and interesting, but that doesn't do him justice.
All three men showed a interest in women, and that was basic, but the interest wasn't of the "let's be friends" sort, it was of the "I would like to screw you" sort. Did they succeed in the family sweepstakes? About one, I know he left several children scattered about the country. About the other two I don't know.
I think it works both ways.
I think you're right Jim, especially if that dude was the one bringing on the laughter
Bottom line: Humor is an extremely attractive characteristic, in man or woman—PARTICULARLY the ability to see humor in real life, in real-time, on an ongoing basis—but Hitchens’s interesting assertion that humor is also an important form of male plumage holds water, I think. It takes an appreciative, interactive audience to make it mutually satisfying, though. In her Vanity Fair rebuttal, Allesandra Stanley quotes Joan Rivers:
“Men find funny women threatening. They ask me, ‘Are you going to be funny in bed?’ ”
A man with a true sense of humor would be hoping for that; only a not-so-funny guy would find that prospect threatening.
They ask me, ‘Are you going to be funny in bed?’ ”
I should hope so. :)
In my experience just about all women say they want a man with a sense of humor.
I have been married 4 times so I must qualify but what does it say about women that their ideal man is a clown?
Laughter is a way that women show openess to men. When my wife and I are not getting along, she will scoff at my jokes. When we are getting along she's an easy audience.
I observed this at a marraige encounter weekend. The couples who seemed to get the most out of the weekend, were in full class-clown mode by day two.
their ideal man is a clown?
Not a clown, but a guy who brings a real emotion to the surface with ease which, as Siggy said above, shares the spotlight on both; but, as Ken also said, both laugh together.
A win-win situation!
Yes, as Fausta and others said, both laugh in the ideal situation. You don't want a clown, or even a stand-up comic, but someone who sees all the funny stuff around you all the time, and brings it to your attention.
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